Being with your best friend from school is like eating vegemite on toast. It just feels and tastes right.
Recently my daughter was diagnosed with leukaemia and I have just fallen apart.
Once a social and outgoing person I feel like I have developed FOSP – fear of seeing people. I go to do the shopping or get a coffee and feel thankful if I don’t run into anyone. I just don’t want to see anyone. That is other than my true friends.
My best friend at school came to visit when we first got diagnosed with cancer. She just showed up. And it felt right. A relief really. A shoulder to cry on without any judgement. Just true raw friendship.
And today Ruby is a day patient and my school buddy popped by and again it was nice. We sat. We talked. I bounced ideas off her. We had tears in our eyes. So comfortable and normal which is so nice when none of this is normal and far from being comfortable.
So I have realised it’s not that I don’t want to see people. I’ve not turned into an introvert. I just want to see the right people.
I don’t what sympathy from acquaintances. I don’t want to see their sad eyes and hear comments like are you going back to work? Or hope she gets better soon. You look great! All well meaning but just without any meaning for me.
Cancer makes you assess your life and realise what matters. And one thing that matters to me right now is friendship. Like my buddy from school.
Thank you for your surprise visits. Your support. Your love. It means the world to me. And to Ruby. X