I have always been a mum who hated illness. Wherever possible I would nominate my husband Ed to take the kids to emergency for broken bones or croup. That was as bad as it got. I thought that was bad! Was I wrong!
If the kids had a cold or fever I would worry and in their early years I would always consult with my gp to try and speed up recovery so we can all be well again. I just hated the kids being sick.
When Ruby was diagnosed with leukaemia in mid March this year, hospital has become my second home. And I now have the job of staying brave and reassuring Ruby all is okay.
When in my heart I am worrying and I am scared and I am panicked.
It is taking every ounce of me to try and be the best mum possible. Be as brave as I can.
As I watch the lethal chemotherapy medicines pumping into her little body with all sorts of possible side effects I feel sick. But we laugh. We play. We sing.
When the ulcers appear in her mouth causing her pain and sadness, I reassure her that they don’t look bad and it is going to be okay.
When her legs ache and she has trouble walking I smile and hold her up laughing about her silly legs. All the while I am thinking oh my (expletive) goodness my daughter can’t walk!
So here comes the biggest challenge of my life. Ruby has leukaemia and I am the one she wants by her side every step of the way! She is the bravest. I am in close second. But my heart hurts a lot. My mind races around. Focus. Be present. Be positive. Be brace. No other choice really.