Today Ruby gets her port back and we recommence Chemo.
I am up early nervous and excited. Never thought I would be excited for chemo but I am. Even Ruby has been crying to have her port back. Not every four year old wish I would imagine. But as an alternative to the painful and annoying cannula the port is the best option.
I have this need and want to pack up all our things and just take Ruby home. Stop this madness and go back to our old lives. My stomach feels sick and I just want to go.
What if I walked out? I know I can’t but my mind keeps wandering there.
Why were we the family stricken with cancer? It all seems so unfair. Life goes on for everyone else as we fight cancer.
Fasting today from 2 am and no water after 6am. Ruby is going to be cross and hungry and thirsty. I ask that this all happens quickly (it never does) and we can just move forward.
Time to get back on the leukaemia track.
I ask that it goes smoothly. Ruby and I need time at home. The boys need us at home too. I need to be with Ed.
Deep breath. Big day. Super Ruby mummy is by your side and loves you.