Here I am in hospital once again for the week with Ruby completing the third treatment phase.
I feel like I have been focusing of late on what is crap about my life and possibly forgetting the positives.
Social media is flooded with stories of people worse off than we are. The children in Aleppo for example recently aired on ABC’s 4corners. They are surrounded by war and horror and death. Or the woman I just read about who said goodbye in her blog as she knew her brain tumour had taken over and it was time to exit the world and leave her young daughter behind. Or my beautiful friend Emma who died over a year ago now from MND and towards the end of her life could not walk or talk or eat.
Ruby has cancer but her prognosis is good. She is a positive little bunny who for the most part takes her medicine without a fuss and manages to laugh the days away.
As a mother I find this all hard. I mourn for what we have lost (a carefree five year old running with her friends) and worry for the future (what effect will this cancer have on Ruby’s life?). As a result, at times, I struggle to see what we do have. So here goes.
I have four beautiful children who love each other for the most part. My three boys are active and cheeky and adventurous and love pushing the boundaries.
I have an incredibly supportive and loving husband who is an incredible father. A man who wants to visit us in hospital. A man who loves to play soccer with his boys in the garage even after a long day at work. A man who would rather be with his family than be drinking with his mates in the pub. A man who continues to provide for us while my job is on hold for personal reasons.
I have a great job waiting for me. A supportive work crew waiting for me to return. And that I will!
I have my health. My ability to think. My ability to write. My ability to run. My ability to laugh.
I have my mum who has survived two heart attacks and loves us all very much.
I have my dad and my brothers and sisters albeit living at a distance.
I have caring and loving and supportive Inlaws who will visit soon and bring much needed energy and love into our world.
I have friends who don’t stop helping me to focus and push on and feed us all.
I have a neighbourhood and soccer and school community that love us so much and continue to support us in such heartfelt ways.
I have so much.
I will try my best to focus on that.
Acknowledge the difficult things but try not to lose sight on the wonderful things I have. Give thanks.